How to Write a Blog NOBODY Desires to Read
OK. I just read about a dozen blogs that told about "How to write a popular blog" but it really didn't help me much. I just read somewhere that "everybody is good at something" and it forced me to be think my specialization. Yes. I can do several things and well even so just can't write interesting blogs. Next, i got it. I write crafting like me - lousy blogs.
Here are my 10 strategies for creating UNPOPULAR blog.
My 1. advice is that the first step to make a totally trivial blog is always to make up a really corny good name for it. Use something you don't have any clue about and earn the title for as long and as weird as it can be. You could write about "UFOs and the way to learn to believe in them and not to appear as total idiot". NOBODY CARES should there be a some "better" solution to learn to believe in UFOs. It's like attempting to teach people to trust goblins.
Of course the marketing powers alters our believes constantly - why else we would have believed that advertising and marketing to wash our mouths with radioactive toothpaste as an alternative to use the regular one? My teacher explained at school in environmental chemistry class that the fluoride in toothpaste works only if you don't rinse it well after brushing your teeth...wouldn't that leave the mouth feeling filthy? I might probably blow bubbles in the corner of my mouth all through the day...great. It reminds me of how much tissue paper Make the most of every month. There isn't a day that...
And here we reach my advice number 2. Whenever you write about the topic you've selected, meander a bit (meaning a whole lot). If you talk about - shall we say UFOs - start referring to your fascination to green men then green t-shirts, green tea and next you can talk about grass. If doesn't put internet users to sleep nothing does.
Tip 3. Marketing. Will not tell ANYONE you've got a blog. They might attempt reading it - perhaps not finish it, thank G..d - but the visitor counter in your page would notice it instantly (you shouldn't put the visitor count there at all just to be in safe side). Deny your website page's answer box too, while there is a risk. Those unfortunate readers might comment what they think about your block and it also would be embarrassing without a doubt. Do NOT link anything and please, Overlook the keywords too. So NO search engine!
Advice 4. It is easy to build your blog to even more repulsive and uninteresting by writing wrongly. "Yo cold use many mistook and reeders" manage to get their eyes crossed should they even tried to read your stuff. Me? I do not write perfect English anyway but folks who use good grammar should stop to do so immediately.
And get get to my point no 5. If you don't have enough time to fill at the least three pages full of gibberish, use copy/paste-method. Which makes long babble even longer and suffocates any reader. Will not EDIT anything. "More is merrier!" And let the text programs word fix. Your words are just fine where did they are.
Tip 6. Use the maximum amount of old stuff that you can think of. Not anything interesting but something such as the old lottery numbers or old info from social pages.
And no. 7. Don't get more blog too often. Once a year is enough.
Advice 8. Fill web site with commercial banners and also other commercial stuff - without any links in any direction certainly - if some fool accepts your page for advertising at first place. Get lots of big and messy banners as possible for jamming purposes. So that you could jam your page in a way it wouldn't open at all or rather to cause it open so slowly that this would banish anyone attempting to read your blog. You can use your own pictures for this too.
9. What ever you choose to do, DON'T HAVE FUN. You need to only write when you're extremely busy, in a very middle of baking, during the right TV program or occasions when writing your blog prevents you doing something you REALLY enjoy. Also, maintain the topics a bit boring to you too or use as much difficult words as it can be. Then you will need a dictionary. Use paper dictionaries exclusively for a single word search. Automatic translating programs can produce so much more obscure text from sentences that one can imagine.
10. Take exaggerated formal style despite of your topic and remember to short read your text merely to make sure it is bad enough. "If it's bad, sounds bad and basically stinks, it ought to be bad".
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